Short answer: after the rights of Allah, the Quran puts parents first: "your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment." Children owe their parents respect, gentle words, obedience in what is right, financial support when they are in need, care in old age, and dua and charity after they die. Obedience has a limit: no one is obeyed in disobeying Allah. And these rights stay even when parents are not Muslim, or are difficult.
What the Quran says
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا
Wa qadaa Rabbuka allaa ta'budooo illaaa iyyaahu wa bilwaalidaini ihsaanaa; immaa yablughanna 'indakal kibara ahaduhumaaa aw kilaahumaa falaa taqul lahumaaa uffinw wa laa tanharhumaa wa qullahumaa qawlan kareemaa · Wakhfid lahumaa janaahaz zulli minar rahmati wa qur Rabbir hamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanee sagheera
"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.""
Quran 17:23-24 · translation by Sahih International
Worship of Allah and goodness to parents are named together. Even "uff", the smallest sound of irritation, is forbidden, and the child lowers "the wing of humility" as the parents grow old.
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍۢ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰٓ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِى مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلْمٌۭ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِى ٱلدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًۭا ۖ وَٱتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَىَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَىَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
Wa wassainal bi waalidaihi hamalat hu ummuhoo wahnan 'alaa wahninw wa fisaaluhoo fee 'aamaini anishkur lee wa liwaalidaika ilaiyal maseer · Wa in jaahadaaka 'alaaa an tushrika bee maa laisa laka bihee 'ilmun falaa tuti'humaa wa saahib humaa fid dunyaa ma'roofanw wattabi' sabeela man anaaba ilayy; summa ilaiya marji'ukum fa unabbi'ukum bimaa kuntum ta'maloon
"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do."
Quran 31:14-15 · translation by Sahih International
The second verse limits obedience but not kindness. The hadith on the mother's special place are gathered in mothers in Islam, so this page looks at the rights of both parents.
What the hadith say
- Among the most loved deeds. Asked which deed Allah loves most, the Prophet ﷺ said: prayer on time, then kindness to parents, then jihad in the way of Allah.1
- Among the greatest sins. "Shall I tell you the greatest of the major sins? Associating partners with Allah and disobeying parents."2 He added that cursing your parents includes insulting someone else's parents so that they insult yours.3
- The father's pleasure. "The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the father, and the anger of the Lord is in the anger of the father."4
- The middle door. "The father is the middle door of Paradise, so keep it or lose it."5
- Serving them is jihad. A man asked permission to join a military campaign. "Are your parents alive?" "Yes." "Then strive in serving them."6
رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أَنْفُ ... مَنْ أَدْرَكَ أَبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الْكِبَرِ أَحَدَهُمَا أَوْ كِلَيْهِمَا فَلَمْ يَدْخُلِ الْجَنَّةَ
Raghima anfu, thumma raghima anfu, thumma raghima anf ... man adraka abawayhi ʿindal-kibari aḥadahumā aw kilayhimā fa-lam yadkhulil-jannah
May his nose be rubbed in dust, then in dust, then in dust ... the one who finds his parents in old age, one or both of them, and does not enter Paradise.
Sahih Muslim 2551, from Abu Hurayrah
The rights, one by one
| Right | What it means in practice | Basis |
|---|---|---|
| Respect and gentle speech | No raised voice, no "uff", no harsh looks; speak to them "a noble word" | Quran 17:23 |
| Kindness (ihsan) | Visiting, calling, gifts, time, and doing what pleases them | Quran 17:23, 4:36 |
| Obedience in what is right | Following their wishes in permitted matters, especially where they have a real interest | Quran 31:15; the hadith |
| Financial support | Providing for them when they are in need and you are able | Quran 2:215; the schools |
| Care in old age | Personal care, patience with illness and forgetfulness, staying close | Quran 17:23 to 24; Muslim 2551 |
| Dua | "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small" | Quran 17:24 |
| Honour after death | Dua, charity, Hajj for them, their debts, their friends | Muslim 1631, 2552 |
Obedience and its limits
No one is obeyed in disobedience to Allah, and that includes parents (31:15, 29:8). Within what is allowed, the schools treat their wishes very seriously:
Obeying parents is wajib in permitted matters where they have a sound interest, or where disobeying would hurt them, as long as it causes you no real harm. You need their permission for a dangerous voluntary journey, or a voluntary act that takes you away when they need you, such as a nafl Hajj. You do not need it for an obligatory act, such as your first Hajj when it is due. You are not obliged to divorce a spouse, or to break a lawful marriage plan, only because a parent dislikes them without a valid reason.
Other madhhabs
- Shafi'i, Maliki and Hanbali
- Close to the Hanafi view. Many scholars, including Imam Ahmad, said a parent's order to divorce is obeyed only when the parent is righteous and has a sound reason, as Umar did; otherwise the child should stay kind and patient without divorcing.
Money: "you and your wealth belong to your father"
A man complained that his father was taking his wealth, and the Prophet ﷺ said: "You and your wealth belong to your father."7 Scholars explain that this is not ownership: a father may take what he needs, without waste or harm. It does not let a parent ruin a child's family.
A child with means must support a parent who is poor, son and daughter alike, by their ability. This holds even if the parents are not Muslim, because the duty to one's parents is not cut by a difference of religion. Grandparents are included when the parents cannot be supported otherwise.
Other madhhabs
- Maliki
- Support is due only to the parents and children, not to grandparents.
- Shafi'i
- Due to parents and grandparents who are in need.
- Hanbali
- Extends further, to relatives who would inherit from you.
Non-Muslim parents
Asma bint Abi Bakr's mother, who was not Muslim, came to visit her. Asma asked the Prophet ﷺ whether she should keep good ties with her. He said: "Yes, keep good ties with your mother."8 Every right on this page stays for non-Muslim parents, except obedience in disobeying Allah.
When parents are difficult or harmful
Islam does not ask a child to accept abuse. You may set boundaries. What stays is the minimum: no insults, no cutting them off completely, dua, and support if they are in need. If it is serious, speak to a trusted imam or a counsellor.
After they die
- Dua. "When a person dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits, or a righteous child who prays for him."9 Use the duas of the prophets: "Our Lord, forgive me and my parents and the believers the Day the account is established" (14:41).
- Charity for them. Sa'd ibn Ubadah asked whether charity for his late mother would benefit her, and the Prophet ﷺ said yes.10 See sadaqah jariyah.
- Hajj or Umrah for them. See Hajj badal.
- Their debts and will. Pay their debts and carry out their lawful wishes.
- Their friends. "The finest act of goodness is for a man to keep up ties with the people his father loved."11
A popular hadith in Abu Dawud on honouring parents after death is graded weak, so it is not relied on here. For duas, see the dua for parents and Quran verses about parents.
FAQ
What are the rights of parents in Islam?
Respect and gentle speech, kindness, obedience in permitted matters, financial support when they are in need, care in old age, and dua, charity and good ties with their friends after they die.
Do I have to obey my parents in everything?
No. No one is obeyed in disobeying Allah (31:15). In permitted matters their wishes carry great weight, but you need not obey a command that harms you.
Do I have to support my parents financially?
Yes, if they are in need and you are able. In the Hanafi school this applies to sons and daughters alike, and even to non-Muslim parents.
What if my parents are not Muslim?
Their rights to respect, kindness and support remain. The Prophet ﷺ told Asma to keep good ties with her non-Muslim mother (Bukhari 2620).
How can I honour my parents after they die?
Make dua for them, give charity on their behalf, perform Hajj or Umrah for them, pay their debts, and keep ties with their friends (Muslim 1631, 2552).
Sources
- Sahih al-Bukhari 527 and Sahih Muslim 85, from Abdullah ibn Mas'ud.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5976 and 2654, from Abu Bakrah.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5973, from Abdullah ibn Amr.
- Jami at-Tirmidhi 1899, from Abdullah ibn Amr; graded sahih by al-Albani. At-Tirmidhi notes most narrators report it as Ibn Amr's own words.
- Jami at-Tirmidhi 1900, from Abu al-Darda; at-Tirmidhi graded it sahih.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 3004 and Sahih Muslim 2549, from Abdullah ibn Amr.
- Sunan Abu Dawud 3530, from Abdullah ibn Amr, and Sunan Ibn Majah 2291, from Jabir; graded sahih by al-Albani.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 2620 and Sahih Muslim 1003, from Asma bint Abi Bakr.
- Sahih Muslim 1631, from Abu Hurayrah.
- Sahih al-Bukhari 2756, from Ibn Abbas.
- Sahih Muslim 2552, from Abdullah ibn Umar.
- Sahih Muslim 2551, from Abu Hurayrah. The weak report: Sunan Abu Dawud 5142, from Abu Usayd, graded da'if by al-Albani.
- On obedience and maintenance: al-Marghinani, al-Hidayah, chapter on maintenance, and Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar; for the other schools, their standard manuals.
- Quran 17:23 to 24, 31:14 to 15, 46:15, 29:8, 2:215, 4:36 and 14:41, Arabic from the Uthmani text, translation by Sahih International.
The rulings on this page are pending review by the scholars on our team.