Short answer
She stays in her marital home and spends every night there, but she may go out during the day for real needs such as work, medical care or essential shopping. She avoids adornment, perfume, makeup and jewellery, and she may not marry or accept a proposal. Talking on the phone, seeing visitors and normal housework are all fine.
A widow must spend her iddah in the home she lived in when her husband died, and must not spend the night elsewhere without necessity. She may leave during the day and part of the evening for need, such as earning a living. She keeps hidad: no perfume, makeup, kohl without medical need, henna, jewellery or attractive clothes. A divorced woman in iddah, by contrast, does not leave the home by day or night.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
Many myths surround the widow's iddah: that she cannot see the sky or the moon, cannot speak on the phone, cannot see any man, or must sit in one room. None of this is from the sharia. The four schools agree on the real rules, which are few and clear.
Stay in the home. She spends the iddah in the home where she was living when her husband died, and sleeps there every night. Furay'ah bint Malik asked the Prophet ﷺ to move to her family, and he told her to stay in her house until the term was complete. She may move only in real necessity, such as danger, being evicted, or being unable to pay the rent.
Going out by day for need is allowed, for example:
- Going to work if she needs the income or would lose her job.
- Medical appointments, legal or bank matters for the estate.
- Essential shopping when no one else can do it.
Visits for leisure, holidays, weddings and travel, including umrah, wait until after iddah.
Leave adornment (hidad):
- No perfume, makeup, henna, jewellery or decorative clothes. Plain clean clothes of any colour are fine; it does not have to be white.
- Kohl or oil only for medical need. Unscented soap, shampoo and lotion are fine.
Marriage. She may not marry or accept a clear proposal during iddah. A man may only hint indirectly. What is fine: praying, reading Quran, housework, phone calls, receiving visitors, speaking with non-mahram men as needed within normal hijab, and looking after children. Find the end date with the iddah calculator.
Ask a mufti about your own case. This answer explains the general ruling. When the details of your situation matter, as they do here, ask a qualified mufti and give them the full facts. Where to ask a scholar.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:234
وَٱلَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَٰجًۭا يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍۢ وَعَشْرًۭا ۖ فَإِذَا بَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا فَعَلْنَ فِىٓ أَنفُسِهِنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرٌۭ ﴿٢٣٤﴾
And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days]. And when they have fulfilled their term, then there is no blame upon you for what they do with themselves in an acceptable manner. And Allah is [fully] Acquainted with what you do.
The widow's waiting period.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:235
وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّآ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًۭا مَّعْرُوفًۭا ۚ وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا۟ عُقْدَةَ ٱلنِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ ٱلْكِتَٰبُ أَجَلَهُۥ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ فَٱحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌۭ ﴿٢٣٥﴾
There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.
No marriage contract during iddah, with only indirect hints allowed.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2300
Graded sahih... امكثي في بيتك حتى يبلغ الكتاب أجله ...
"Stay in your house until the prescribed term is complete."
The widow spends her iddah in the marital home.
Sahih Muslim 938
Sahih... لا تحد امرأة على ميت فوق ثلاث إلا على زوج أربعة أشهر وعشرا ...
"A woman does not mourn a dead person beyond three days except a husband, for four months and ten days."
The same hadith goes on to forbid dyed clothes, kohl and perfume during it.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Hidaya, Kitab al-Talaq, Bab al-Iddah, Fasl fi al-Hidad. The widow goes out by day and part of the night and sleeps only at home; what she avoids.
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Talaq, Bab al-Iddah. When she may move house, and the difference between widow and divorcee.
This answer is pending review by the scholars on our team. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.