Short answer
Yes, for a need: to get to know each other for marriage, with modest, purposeful talk and the family aware. But an engaged couple are still non-mahram until the nikah, so being alone together, touching and romantic or intimate talk are not allowed. The four schools agree on this.
Engagement (khitbah) does not make the couple lawful to each other. Talking for a genuine need, such as discussing the marriage, is permissible within modesty. Private meetings, touching, flirtatious messages and lingering looks are haram. The man may look at her face and hands to decide on marriage.
Other madhhabs
- Hanbali
- On looking: a man may see what usually shows of a woman at home, such as the face, neck, hands and feet, when he seriously intends to propose.
Explanation
Many couples are engaged for months, and they need to talk about real things: where they will live, children, work, money, the deen and the wedding. Islam allows this. What it does not allow is treating the engagement as half a marriage. Until the nikah is done, the two are strangers to each other in Islamic law.
Guidelines Hanafi scholars give:
- Talk with a purpose, in a respectful tone. Allah told the Prophet's ﷺ wives not to be soft in speech with men lest someone with a diseased heart be tempted (33:32), and the principle applies to all.
- Keep a parent or wali informed, and meet in the family home or a public place, not alone.
- No romantic words, no "I love you" messages, no photos meant to attract, no late night calls.
- No touching, including handshakes and hugs.
- Looking at her face and hands to decide is allowed and even encouraged.
If the engagement is long and the pull is strong, the best advice is to do the nikah sooner. Many families do the nikah at or soon after the engagement and hold the wedding and move-in later. Once the nikah is done, they are husband and wife, and talking freely is halal. See engagement in Islam and our nikah guide.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Ahzaab 33:32
يَٰنِسَآءَ ٱلنَّبِىِّ لَسْتُنَّ كَأَحَدٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ ۚ إِنِ ٱتَّقَيْتُنَّ فَلَا تَخْضَعْنَ بِٱلْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ ٱلَّذِى فِى قَلْبِهِۦ مَرَضٌۭ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلًۭا مَّعْرُوفًۭا ﴿٣٢﴾
O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech.
Speech between non-mahrams should be proper, not soft or tempting.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:235
وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ ٱلنِّسَآءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَٰكِن لَّا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا إِلَّآ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ قَوْلًۭا مَّعْرُوفًۭا ۚ وَلَا تَعْزِمُوا۟ عُقْدَةَ ٱلنِّكَاحِ حَتَّىٰ يَبْلُغَ ٱلْكِتَٰبُ أَجَلَهُۥ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِىٓ أَنفُسِكُمْ فَٱحْذَرُوهُ ۚ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّ ٱللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌۭ ﴿٢٣٥﴾
There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing.
Even in a marriage proposal, Allah forbids secret promises and allows only proper speech.
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1087
Graded sahih... انظر إليها فإنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما ...
"Look at her, for that is more likely to create lasting love between you."
A man may look at the woman he intends to marry.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5233
Sahih... لا يخلون رجل بامرأة إلا مع ذي محرم ...
"No man should be alone with a woman unless a mahram of hers is with her."
Engagement does not lift the ban on privacy.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Hidaya, Kitab al-Karahiyya, Fasl fi al-Wat' wa al-Nazar wa al-Lams. One who intends to marry a woman may look at her face and hands.
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Hazr wa al-Ibahah, Fasl fi al-Nazar wa al-Mass. The engaged woman stays non-mahram; privacy and touch are not allowed.
- al-Mughni (Ibn Qudama), Kitab al-Nikah, on looking at the woman one proposes to. The Hanbali view of what may be seen.
This answer is pending review by the scholars on our team. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.