Short answer
Most things between spouses are halal, with a few clear limits: intercourse during the wife's period or postnatal bleeding, anal intercourse at any time, relations during the daytime fast or in ihram or i'tikaf, and telling others about your private life. The four schools agree on these, with a small difference on closeness during periods.
Intercourse during menstruation (hayd) and postnatal bleeding (nifas) is haram, as is any contact between the navel and knees without a barrier during that time. Anal intercourse is haram always. Relations are forbidden during fasting hours, ihram and i'tikaf. Speaking about the private matters of the marriage is haram.
Other madhhabs
- Hanbali
- During the period, all contact except intercourse itself is allowed, based on the hadith "do everything except intercourse".
Explanation
Intimacy in marriage is a blessing and even an act of reward. Allah calls spouses clothing for one another (2:187). Within marriage, the general rule is that what the couple are comfortable with is permitted, with modesty, unless the Shariah has named a limit. Those limits are few:
- During her period and after childbirth. Allah says to keep away from wives during menstruation until they are pure (2:222). Hanafis also forbid touching the area between the navel and knees without a cloth barrier. Hugging, kissing and sleeping together are fine. After her bleeding ends she must do ghusl before intercourse, with details in our ghusl guide.
- Anal intercourse is haram at all times. The Prophet ﷺ cursed the one who does it. "Come to your place of cultivation however you wish" (2:223) refers to positions, while keeping to the natural place.
- While fasting in the day, in ihram for hajj or umrah, and during i'tikaf. See intimacy in Ramadan.
- Exposure to others. Being seen, filmed or overheard is not allowed.
- Telling others. Talking about what happens in private is one of the worst things a spouse can do.
- Harm. Anything that harms or degrades either spouse, or is done by force, is not permissible.
It is sunnah to say the dua before intimacy, "Bismillah, Allahumma jannibnash shaytan..." and to be gentle and caring. If a couple did something unlawful by mistake or ignorance, tawbah is enough. Intercourse during the period is a serious sin: Hanafi scholars recommend giving charity as well as repenting. For the full rules on periods see our women's category.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:222
وَيَسْـَٔلُونَكَ عَنِ ٱلْمَحِيضِ ۖ قُلْ هُوَ أَذًۭى فَٱعْتَزِلُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ فِى ٱلْمَحِيضِ ۖ وَلَا تَقْرَبُوهُنَّ حَتَّىٰ يَطْهُرْنَ ۖ فَإِذَا تَطَهَّرْنَ فَأْتُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ أَمَرَكُمُ ٱللَّهُ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلتَّوَّٰبِينَ وَيُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَطَهِّرِينَ ﴿٢٢٢﴾
And they ask you about menstruation. Say, "It is harm, so keep away from wives during menstruation. And do not approach them until they are pure. And when they have purified themselves, then come to them from where Allah has ordained for you. Indeed, Allah loves those who are constantly repentant and loves those who purify themselves."
Intercourse during the period is forbidden.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:223
نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٢٢٣﴾
Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.
Spouses have freedom in how they come together, keeping to the natural place.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:187
أُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَيْلَةَ ٱلصِّيَامِ ٱلرَّفَثُ إِلَىٰ نِسَآئِكُمْ ۚ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّهُنَّ ۗ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ كُنتُمْ تَخْتَانُونَ أَنفُسَكُمْ فَتَابَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَعَفَا عَنكُمْ ۖ فَٱلْـَٰٔنَ بَٰشِرُوهُنَّ وَٱبْتَغُوا۟ مَا كَتَبَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۚ وَكُلُوا۟ وَٱشْرَبُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَكُمُ ٱلْخَيْطُ ٱلْأَبْيَضُ مِنَ ٱلْخَيْطِ ٱلْأَسْوَدِ مِنَ ٱلْفَجْرِ ۖ ثُمَّ أَتِمُّوا۟ ٱلصِّيَامَ إِلَى ٱلَّيْلِ ۚ وَلَا تُبَٰشِرُوهُنَّ وَأَنتُمْ عَٰكِفُونَ فِى ٱلْمَسَٰجِدِ ۗ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَقْرَبُوهَا ۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَّقُونَ ﴿١٨٧﴾
It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.
Intimacy between spouses is lawful and a source of comfort.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2162
Graded hasan... ملعون من أتى امرأته في دبرها ...
"Cursed is the one who has anal intercourse with his wife."
Anal intercourse is forbidden.
Sahih Muslim 1437
Sahih... إن من أشر الناس عند الله منزلة يوم القيامة الرجل يفضي إلى امرأته ...
"Among the worst people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who is intimate with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secret."
Private matters of the marriage must stay private.
Sahih Muslim 302
Sahih... اصنعوا كل شيء إلا النكاح ...
"Do everything except intercourse."
Closeness during the period is allowed, which the schools read with different limits.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Hidaya, Kitab al-Taharah, Bab al-Hayd wa al-Istihadah. Intercourse in menstruation is forbidden, and so is contact below the navel to the knee without a barrier.
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Taharah, Bab al-Hayd. Recommends charity for one who had intercourse during the period.
- al-Mughni (Ibn Qudama), Kitab al-Hayd. The Hanbali view that contact other than intercourse is permitted.
This answer is pending review by the scholars on our team. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.