Short answer
For a man, the nikah is valid, though going against parents without good reason is wrong. For a woman, the Hanafi school holds the nikah valid if the man is her kufu (suitable match), but not if he is unsuitable and her wali did not agree. The other three schools require the wali in every case. Try hard to win your parents over first.
A man's nikah without his parents' approval is valid. An adult woman's nikah without her wali is valid with a kufu husband and not valid with a non-kufu husband (the fatwa position). In both cases, honouring parents is wajib, and marrying against them should be a last resort after a real effort to reach agreement.
Other madhhabs
- Shafi'i
- A woman cannot marry without her wali. If the wali refuses a suitable match without valid reason, the judge (or a trusted community authority acting for him) can marry her.
- Maliki
- The wali is required. If he unjustly prevents a suitable marriage, the judge can marry her.
- Hanbali
- The wali is required, and if the closest wali blocks a suitable match, the right passes to the next wali or the judge.
Explanation
Parents have a great right, and Allah joins kindness to parents with His own worship (17:23). Most parents who object have real worries: the person's religion, character, ability to provide, or family. These deserve a careful hearing. At the same time, parents do not have the right to block a good marriage for reasons Islam does not accept, such as caste, colour, nationality or a wish for more wealth. The Prophet ﷺ said that when someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes, marry him to your daughter, or there will be trouble on earth.
What Hanafi scholars advise:
- Ask yourself honestly whether your parents' concern has merit.
- Let an imam, an elder or a respected relative speak to them.
- Pray istikharah and be patient for a while.
- If they still refuse a suitable, practising match without valid reason, a man may go ahead. A woman should consult a mufti first, because kafa'ah decides whether her nikah is valid, and because a marriage without her wali is invalid in the other schools.
Even after marrying, keep honouring your parents and reaching out to them. Many parents come round after a grandchild arrives. See marrying without a wali, arranged and forced marriage and rights of parents.
Ask a mufti about your own case. This answer explains the general ruling. When the details of your situation matter, as they do here, ask a qualified mufti and give them the full facts. Where to ask a scholar.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Israa 17:23
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ﴿٢٣﴾
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
Honouring parents is a duty second only to worshipping Allah.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:232
وَإِذَا طَلَّقْتُمُ ٱلنِّسَآءَ فَبَلَغْنَ أَجَلَهُنَّ فَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَن يَنكِحْنَ أَزْوَٰجَهُنَّ إِذَا تَرَٰضَوْا۟ بَيْنَهُم بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۗ ذَٰلِكَ يُوعَظُ بِهِۦ مَن كَانَ مِنكُمْ يُؤْمِنُ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْءَاخِرِ ۗ ذَٰلِكُمْ أَزْكَىٰ لَكُمْ وَأَطْهَرُ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ﴿٢٣٢﴾
And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not.
Guardians are forbidden from unjustly blocking a suitable marriage.
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1085
Graded hasan... إذا جاءكم من ترضون دينه وخلقه فأنكحوه ...
"When someone whose religion and character please you comes to you, marry him to her."
Parents should not refuse a good match for worldly reasons.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2083
Graded sahih... فالسلطان ولي من لا ولي له ...
"The ruler is the guardian of one who has no guardian."
The other schools' basis for the judge stepping in when a wali refuses unjustly.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Durr al-Mukhtar with Radd al-Muhtar, Kitab al-Nikah, Bab al-Wali. The adult woman's nikah with a kufu man is valid; the fatwa voids it with a non-kufu man without the wali's consent.
- al-Mughni (Ibn Qudama), Kitab al-Nikah, on the wali who refuses ('adl). The right passes on when the wali blocks a suitable match.
This answer is pending review by the scholars on our team. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.