Short answer
Feeling more love for one child is not a sin, because the heart is not fully in your control. What is required is fair treatment: gifts, money, attention and kindness. In the Hanafi school it is recommended to give sons and daughters equally, and favouring one child to harm the others is sinful.
Equality between children in gifts is mustahabb, and the fatwa is to give sons and daughters equal amounts in life. Preferring one child with the aim of harming others is haram; preferring one for a valid reason, such as need or illness, is allowed.
Other madhhabs
- Hanbali
- Fairness in gifts is wajib, and it is done in the proportions of inheritance, so a son receives twice a daughter. A parent who favoured one must take it back or give the others the same.
- Shafi'i
- Equal gifts are recommended and favouring one child is makruh, not haram.
Explanation
Yaqub loved Yusuf and his brother more, and his other sons said so openly. The Quran tells the story without blaming Yaqub for his feelings, but it shows how quickly a sense of favouritism can turn into jealousy and harm. The Prophet ﷺ was asked to witness a gift a man gave to only one son. He asked whether he had given the same to all his children, and when the man said no, he said: fear Allah and be fair between your children.
What is in your control, and must be fair:
- Money, gifts and property. See giving to children before death.
- Time and attention, as far as each child's needs allow.
- Praise, kisses and affection in front of the others.
- Discipline: the same rules for everyone.
Valid reasons to give one child more include illness, disability, a child still studying or in real need, or one who serves the parents. These are about need, not preference. The Hanafi scholars allow this when there is no intention to harm the others.
What is not in your control: some children are easier to love, closer in temperament, or simply younger. Do not hate yourself for this. Hide it, make dua for a fair heart, and act fairly. Never compare siblings to shame one of them. Fairness between sons and daughters matters most of all; see the reward for raising daughters and rights of children.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Yusuf 12:8
إِذْ قَالُوا۟ لَيُوسُفُ وَأَخُوهُ أَحَبُّ إِلَىٰٓ أَبِينَا مِنَّا وَنَحْنُ عُصْبَةٌ إِنَّ أَبَانَا لَفِى ضَلَٰلٍۢ مُّبِينٍ ﴿٨﴾
When they said, "Joseph and his brother are more beloved to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our father is in clear error.
Shows how favouritism, even felt, can stir jealousy among siblings.
Sahih al-Bukhari 2587
Sahih... فاتقوا الله واعدلوا بين أولادكم ...
"Fear Allah and be fair between your children."
Parents must treat their children justly.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, Kitab al-Hiba, chapter on gifts to children. Equality between sons and daughters in gifts, following Abu Yusuf, and the sin of preference meant to harm.
- al-Mughni (Ibn Qudama), Kitab al-Hiba. The Hanbali view that fairness is wajib and follows the shares of inheritance.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.