Short answer
Yes. A Muslim may visit the grave of a non-Muslim parent, relative or friend to remember them and reflect on death. The Prophet ﷺ visited his mother's grave and wept. What is not allowed is asking Allah to forgive someone who died upon disbelief, or joining in religious rites at the grave.
Visiting the grave of a non-Muslim is permitted, especially for a relative, for remembrance and keeping ties. Seeking forgiveness for them is not allowed, as the Quran forbids it.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
Many converts and children of mixed families have parents, grandparents and friends buried in non-Muslim cemeteries. Islam does not ask you to stay away. Love for your family and respect for their memory are part of good character, and the four schools agree that such a visit is allowed.
The Prophet ﷺ visited the grave of his mother, Aminah, who died before Islam. He wept, and those with him wept. He said he had asked his Lord for permission to seek forgiveness for her and was not given it, and asked permission to visit her grave and was given it. Then he said: visit graves, for they remind you of death.
- Visit, stand at the grave and remember them.
- Reflect on death and your own return to Allah.
- Look after the grave and keep it clean, and help with repairs if the family asks.
- Speak kindly of them, and keep good ties with their relatives.
- Do not ask Allah for their forgiveness or for Paradise if they died as non-Muslims; see dua for a non-Muslim who died.
- Do not join prayers, candles or rituals of another religion at the grave.
We cannot know how each person died or what they knew of Islam, and their affair is with Allah. Your task is to be kind, honest and faithful. A non-Muslim may also visit a Muslim's grave, and families should welcome them. See also attending a non-Muslim funeral.
The evidence
Quran, Surah At-Tawba 9:113
مَا كَانَ لِلنَّبِىِّ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ أَن يَسْتَغْفِرُوا۟ لِلْمُشْرِكِينَ وَلَوْ كَانُوٓا۟ أُو۟لِى قُرْبَىٰ مِنۢ بَعْدِ مَا تَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُمْ أَصْحَٰبُ ٱلْجَحِيمِ ﴿١١٣﴾
It is not for the Prophet and those who have believed to ask forgiveness for the polytheists, even if they were relatives, after it has become clear to them that they are companions of Hellfire.
Seeking forgiveness for one who died as a non-Muslim is forbidden, even for family.
Quran, Surah Al-Mumtahana 60:8
لَّا يَنْهَىٰكُمُ ٱللَّهُ عَنِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَمْ يُقَٰتِلُوكُمْ فِى ٱلدِّينِ وَلَمْ يُخْرِجُوكُم مِّن دِيَٰرِكُمْ أَن تَبَرُّوهُمْ وَتُقْسِطُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهِمْ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُقْسِطِينَ ﴿٨﴾
Allah does not forbid you from those who do not fight you because of religion and do not expel you from your homes - from being righteous toward them and acting justly toward them. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.
Kindness to non-Muslim relatives is allowed.
Sahih Muslim 976
Sahih... استأذنت ربي أن أستغفر لأمي فلم يأذن لي ...
"I asked my Lord's permission to seek forgiveness for my mother, and He did not permit me; I asked permission to visit her grave, and He permitted me."
Visiting a non-Muslim relative's grave is allowed, seeking forgiveness is not.
Sahih Muslim 976
Sahih... فزوروا القبور فإنها تذكر الموت ...
"So visit graves, for they remind you of death."
The purpose of the visit is remembrance of death.
Where the ruling is recorded
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Salah, Bab Salat al-Janazah, on visiting graves. The sunnah and purpose of visiting graves.
- al-Majmu' (Nawawi), Kitab al-Jana'iz, on visiting graves. Visiting a non-Muslim relative's grave, based on this hadith.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.