Short answer
No. Harming a spouse is haram. The scholars understand the verse people quote (4:34) as allowing at most a light, symbolic touch, only as a last step in a specific marital crisis, with no pain, injury or mark. The Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman. If you are in danger, call emergency services.
Hitting that hurts, injures, humiliates or leaves a mark is haram, and the husband is answerable for it. For open defiance of the marriage (nushuz), after advice and separate beds have failed, the Hanafi books allow at most a light, symbolic strike that causes no harm (darb ghayr mubarrih). Leaving it altogether is better and closer to the sunnah.
Other madhhabs
- Maliki
- A wife harmed by her husband may ask a judge to end the marriage for harm (darar).
Explanation
Surah al-Nisa 4:34 addresses a husband whose wife persistently rebels against the marriage (nushuz). It gives three steps in order: advise her, then sleep apart, then strike. The scholars of all four schools read the last word in the light of the Prophet's ﷺ words in his Farewell Sermon: a strike that is not harsh (ghayr mubarrih). In the books of tafsir, Ibn Abbas describes it as being with something like a miswak (tooth stick). At most it is a symbolic gesture of seriousness, never a way to cause pain.
- Only for real nushuz, never for anger, food, money or an ordinary disagreement.
- Only after advice and separate beds have been tried.
- Never the face, no harm to the body, no marks and no humiliation.
- If he goes beyond this he sins, owes compensation for injury and can be punished by a judge.
Aisha reported that the Prophet ﷺ never struck a woman or a servant with his hand. He told men, "Do not beat the female servants of Allah," and said, "The best of you are those who are best to their wives." Many scholars therefore say that a man who strikes his wife, even within the permission, has left what is better.
Domestic violence is not discipline. It breaks the command to "live with them in kindness" (4:19). If you are in danger, call emergency services (911 in the US and Canada, 999 in the UK and the UAE). A wife who is being hurt should get to safety, use the protection of the law, and speak to an imam or Islamic council. Harm is a recognised ground for a judge to dissolve a marriage. See grounds for divorce and rights of a wife.
Ask a mufti about your own case. This answer explains the general ruling. When the details of your situation matter, as they do here, ask a qualified mufti and give them the full facts. Where to ask a scholar.
The evidence
Quran, Surah An-Nisaa 4:34
ٱلرِّجَالُ قَوَّٰمُونَ عَلَى ٱلنِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ ٱللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍۢ وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُوا۟ مِنْ أَمْوَٰلِهِمْ ۚ فَٱلصَّٰلِحَٰتُ قَٰنِتَٰتٌ حَٰفِظَٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ ۚ وَٱلَّٰتِى تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَٱهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِى ٱلْمَضَاجِعِ وَٱضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا۟ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّۭا كَبِيرًۭا ﴿٣٤﴾
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
The steps for nushuz, in order, with advice coming first.
Quran, Surah An-Nisaa 4:19
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرْهًۭا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا۟ بِبَعْضِ مَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٍۢ مُّبَيِّنَةٍۢ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا ﴿١٩﴾
O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
The general command for how husbands treat wives.
Sahih Muslim 1218
Sahih... فاضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح ...
"Then you may strike them, but not in a harsh way."
The Farewell Sermon limits the permission to a strike that does not hurt or injure.
Sahih Muslim 2328
Sahih... ما ضرب رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم شيئا قط بيده ولا امرأة ولا خادما ...
"The Messenger of Allah never struck anything with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, except when fighting in the path of Allah."
Aisha's report that the Prophet never hit a wife.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2146
Grading to be checked... لا تضربوا إماء الله ...
"Do not beat the female servants of Allah."
The Prophet's general prohibition of hitting wives.
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 1162
Graded hasan sahih... وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم ...
"And the best of you are those who are best to their women."
Good treatment of a wife is a measure of a man's goodness.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Durr al-Mukhtar with Radd al-Muhtar, Kitab al-Hudud, Bab al-Ta'zir. A husband's discipline is limited to what does not injure, and he is liable if he exceeds it.
- Bada'i al-Sana'i, Kitab al-Nikah, on nushuz. The three steps of 4:34 are taken in order.
- Mukhtasar Khalil with al-Sharh al-Kabir, Bab al-Nikah, on harm between spouses. A wife may seek divorce from the judge for harm.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.