Short answer
It is sunnah for the husband to place his hand on his wife's forehead and make dua for her, for the couple to be gentle and unhurried, to say the dua before intimacy, and to keep their private life private. Praying two rakats together is reported from the Companions. The four schools agree.
These acts are mustahabb (recommended). Nothing about the first night is fard except avoiding what is haram, such as intercourse during her period, and there is no duty to consummate the marriage on the first night.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
The first night is often surrounded by family expectations and nerves. The sunnah is gentle and simple.
- A dua for her. The Prophet ﷺ taught that when a man marries, he should hold her forelock and ask Allah for her good and the good of the nature she was created with, and seek refuge from any harm. It is a prayer of blessing over the whole marriage.
- Two rakats. Abdullah ibn Mas'ud and other Companions advised a new couple to pray two rakats together, the wife behind the husband, then ask Allah for blessing. This comes from the Companions rather than a hadith, and it is a good practice.
- Kindness first. Talk, share something to eat or drink, and put each other at ease.
- The dua before intimacy. See dua before intercourse.
- Ghusl afterwards, before the next prayer.
No pressure. Nothing obliges a couple to have intercourse on the first night. If either is tired, anxious or unwell, waiting is better. Consummation and valid privacy have legal effects, explained in consummation, but there is no deadline.
Customs with no basis. Checking for blood on a sheet, relatives waiting for news, or telling friends about the night all go against the sunnah. The Prophet ﷺ said that among the worst people in rank before Allah is a man who is intimate with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secret. Bleeding is not a test of virginity in fiqh.
Guests say the dua for newlyweds, and the walimah usually follows the wedding. See walimah in Islam.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:223
نِسَآؤُكُمْ حَرْثٌۭ لَّكُمْ فَأْتُوا۟ حَرْثَكُمْ أَنَّىٰ شِئْتُمْ ۖ وَقَدِّمُوا۟ لِأَنفُسِكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَٱعْلَمُوٓا۟ أَنَّكُم مُّلَٰقُوهُ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ ﴿٢٢٣﴾
Your wives are a place of sowing of seed for you, so come to your place of cultivation however you wish and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear Allah and know that you will meet Him. And give good tidings to the believers.
Scholars read this as sending good ahead, such as the dua and a good intention, before intimacy.
Quran, Surah Ar-Room 30:21
وَمِنْ ءَايَٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَءَايَٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ﴿٢١﴾
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
The aim of the first night, and the marriage, is calm and affection.
Sunan Abi Dawud 2160
Grading to be checked... اللهم إني أسألك خيرها وخير ما جبلتها عليه ...
"O Allah, I ask You for her good and the good of the nature You created her with."
The dua a husband says for his wife at the start of the marriage.
Sahih al-Bukhari 141
Sahih... لو أن أحدكم إذا أتى أهله قال بسم الله ...
"If one of you, when he comes to his wife, says: In the name of Allah..."
The sunnah dua before intimacy.
Sahih Muslim 1437
Sahih... إن من أشر الناس عند الله منزلة يوم القيامة الرجل يفضي إلى امرأته ...
"Among the worst of people in rank before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who is intimate with his wife, and she with him."
The hadith goes on to condemn spreading the secrets of the bedroom.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Adhkar (Nawawi), Kitab al-Nikah, chapter on what the husband says when his bride is brought to him. Gathers the duas and etiquette of the wedding night.
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Nikah, opening discussion. The recommended acts that accompany a nikah.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.