Short answer
Raising your voice now and then to stop danger or show you are serious is not haram. But habitual shouting, insults, cursing, name-calling or frightening a child is sinful, and cursing your children is forbidden by the Prophet ﷺ. The sunnah of parenting is gentleness and calm firmness.
Speaking firmly to correct a child is permissible. Insulting, cursing, mocking or humiliating a child is haram, and constant harshness that harms a child falls under the forbidden harm of others. Anger should be controlled before correcting.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
The Prophet ﷺ said that gentleness beautifies everything it is in and that whoever does not show mercy is not shown mercy. When a man asked for advice, he repeated: do not get angry. He also said: do not pray against yourselves or against your children. Luqman's advice to his son, in the Quran, includes: lower your voice.
Where the line is:
- Fine: a sharp call to stop a child running into the road; a firm, serious tone to show a rule matters.
- Sinful: calling a child stupid, useless or other names; cursing them or praying for harm on them; shaming them in front of others; screaming that terrifies them.
- Harmful habit: constant shouting teaches children to shout, to fear rather than respect, and to hide things.
What helps:
- When angry, stop, say a'udhu billahi min ash-shaytan ir-rajim, sit down, or step away. See dua for anger.
- Correct the action, not the child: "that was wrong", not "you are bad".
- Set clear rules in calm moments.
- If you shouted unfairly, apologise. Children learn repentance by seeing it.
Yelling is not the only harm to avoid. See hitting children and child abuse, and make dua for your children, which works better than any lecture.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Luqman 31:19
وَٱقْصِدْ فِى مَشْيِكَ وَٱغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ ۚ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ ٱلْأَصْوَٰتِ لَصَوْتُ ٱلْحَمِيرِ ﴿١٩﴾
And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."
Luqman's advice to his son against loud, harsh speech.
Quran, Surah Aal-i-Imraan 3:159
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍۢ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلْقَلْبِ لَٱنفَضُّوا۟ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَٱعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَٱسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ﴿١٥٩﴾
So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].
Harshness drives people away, and gentleness wins hearts.
Sahih Muslim 2594
Sahih... إن الرفق لا يكون في شيء إلا زانه ...
"Gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it."
Gentleness is the sunnah way to correct.
Sunan Abi Dawud 1532
Grading to be checked... لا تدعوا على أنفسكم ولا تدعوا على أولادكم ...
"Do not pray against yourselves and do not pray against your children."
Cursing children in anger is forbidden.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6116
Sahih... أوصني قال لا تغضب فردد مرارا قال لا تغضب ...
"A man said, advise me. He said: do not get angry. The man repeated it several times, and each time he said: do not get angry."
Controlling anger comes before correcting anyone.
Where the ruling is recorded
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Hudud, chapter on ta'zir. Insulting a Muslim with abusive words is a sin that warrants ta'zir; correction must not harm.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.