Short answer
Islam sets no fixed number. The husband must be intimate often enough to keep his wife content and chaste, and the wife should respond unless she has an excuse or it would harm her. Neither may demand more than the other can bear. The Hanbali school sets a minimum of once every four months.
In court the husband owes intercourse at least once, but before Allah (diyanatan) he must be intimate regularly, according to her need and his ability, and neglecting her is sinful. The wife should respond when she has no excuse, but he may not demand more than she can physically bear, and where she is harmed the amount is limited.
Other madhhabs
- Hanbali
- The husband must have intercourse at least once every four months if able, taken from the four-month limit in the ayah of ila (2:226).
- Shafi'i
- After the first time, intercourse is not a legal duty on the husband, though it is strongly recommended that he not neglect her.
Explanation
Intimacy is a right of both spouses and even an act of reward: the Prophet ﷺ said there is charity in a man's intimacy with his wife. When Abdullah ibn Amr spent his nights in prayer, he was told that his wife had a right over him. So a husband cannot treat it as only his own need, and a wife cannot treat it as only a favour.
Because people differ in health, age, work and desire, the Hanafi scholars did not fix a number. Ibn Abidin explains that the measure is what keeps her chaste and content, as far as he is able. Some scholars mention once every four nights as a guide, drawn from a husband of four wives giving each her night, but this is advice, not a rule.
When desires do not match. If a husband wants intimacy every night and his wife is exhausted or in pain, she should not refuse without reason, and he must not push past what she can bear. If she wants more than he offers, his neglect is a real wrong. What helps:
- Talk openly at a calm time about what each of you needs.
- See a doctor for pain, low desire, erectile problems or postnatal issues. These are common and treatable.
- Agree on a pattern that suits both of you, and keep some flexibility.
- Bring in a trusted counsellor if the issue is causing fights.
Valid reasons to pause include illness, her period or postnatal bleeding, the daytime of a fast, and real harm. See refusing intimacy and long absences. Force is never allowed.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:187
أُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَيْلَةَ ٱلصِّيَامِ ٱلرَّفَثُ إِلَىٰ نِسَآئِكُمْ ۚ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌۭ لَّهُنَّ ۗ عَلِمَ ٱللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ كُنتُمْ تَخْتَانُونَ أَنفُسَكُمْ فَتَابَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَعَفَا عَنكُمْ ۖ فَٱلْـَٰٔنَ بَٰشِرُوهُنَّ وَٱبْتَغُوا۟ مَا كَتَبَ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ۚ وَكُلُوا۟ وَٱشْرَبُوا۟ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَكُمُ ٱلْخَيْطُ ٱلْأَبْيَضُ مِنَ ٱلْخَيْطِ ٱلْأَسْوَدِ مِنَ ٱلْفَجْرِ ۖ ثُمَّ أَتِمُّوا۟ ٱلصِّيَامَ إِلَى ٱلَّيْلِ ۚ وَلَا تُبَٰشِرُوهُنَّ وَأَنتُمْ عَٰكِفُونَ فِى ٱلْمَسَٰجِدِ ۗ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ فَلَا تَقْرَبُوهَا ۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ ءَايَٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَّقُونَ ﴿١٨٧﴾
It has been made permissible for you the night preceding fasting to go to your wives [for sexual relations]. They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them. Allah knows that you used to deceive yourselves, so He accepted your repentance and forgave you. So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you. And eat and drink until the white thread of dawn becomes distinct to you from the black thread [of night]. Then complete the fast until the sunset. And do not have relations with them as long as you are staying for worship in the mosques. These are the limits [set by] Allah, so do not approach them. Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.
Each spouse covers and comforts the other.
Quran, Surah Al-Baqara 2:228
وَٱلْمُطَلَّقَٰتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَٰثَةَ قُرُوٓءٍۢ ۚ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِىٓ أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِٱللَّهِ وَٱلْيَوْمِ ٱلْءَاخِرِ ۚ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوٓا۟ إِصْلَٰحًۭا ۚ وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ ٱلَّذِى عَلَيْهِنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌۭ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ ﴿٢٢٨﴾
Divorced women remain in waiting for three periods, and it is not lawful for them to conceal what Allah has created in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have more right to take them back in this [period] if they want reconciliation. And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.
The right to intimacy runs both ways.
Sahih Muslim 1006
Sahih... وفي بضع أحدكم صدقة ...
"And in the intimacy of one of you with his wife there is charity."
Intimacy within marriage is rewarded.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5199
Sahih... فإن لجسدك عليك حقا وإن لعينك عليك حقا وإن لزوجك عليك حقا ...
"Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, and your wife has a right over you."
A husband may not neglect his wife, even for worship.
Where the ruling is recorded
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Nikah, Bab al-Qasm. The husband's duty of intimacy is not fixed in number and follows her need and his ability; a wife is not made to bear more than she can.
- al-Mughni (Ibn Qudama), Kitab 'Ishrat al-Nisa'. The Hanbali minimum of once in four months.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.