Short answer
Yes. Insulting, cursing, humiliating or threatening a spouse is haram, whether it comes from the husband or the wife. The Prophet ﷺ never abused his wives and called the best people those who are best to their families. Ongoing abuse is a valid reason for a wife to seek khula or dissolution. Anyone in danger should call the emergency services.
Abusive speech towards a spouse is haram and a violation of a person's right (haqq al-'abd) that needs their forgiveness as well as tawbah. A husband who harms his wife may be given a discretionary punishment (ta'zir) by a qadi, and lasting harm (darar) is accepted as grounds for a Muslim judge or council to dissolve the marriage.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
Allah commands husbands to live with their wives "in kindness" (4:19) and forbids believers to insult one another or use hurtful names (49:11). The Prophet ﷺ said that abusing a Muslim is wickedness, and that the best of you are the best to their families. He told husbands not to revile their wives. None of this changes behind closed doors.
What counts as abuse:
- Name-calling, swearing, mocking her looks, family or faith.
- Shouting to frighten, smashing things, threats of harm.
- Using talaq as a threat to control.
- Constant contempt, silent treatment as punishment, cutting her off from family and friends, or controlling all money.
The four schools agree all of this is forbidden. The same applies to a wife who abuses her husband.
If you are the one who shouts, apologise sincerely, seek your spouse's forgiveness and Allah's, and learn to manage anger: stay silent, change position, make wudu, and say the dua for anger. Counselling helps.
If you are on the receiving end, you do not have to accept it as patience. Talk at a calm time, bring in a respected elder or arbitrator from each family (4:35), and get counselling. Keep a record. If the abuse continues, a wife may seek khula or a dissolution from an Islamic council. See valid reasons for divorce. If you or your children are in danger, call the emergency services (911 in the US and Canada, 999 in the UK and the UAE), then speak to a mufti about your case.
Ask a mufti about your own case. This answer explains the general ruling. When the details of your situation matter, as they do here, ask a qualified mufti and give them the full facts. Where to ask a scholar.
The evidence
Quran, Surah An-Nisaa 4:19
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ كَرْهًۭا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا۟ بِبَعْضِ مَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّآ أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَٰحِشَةٍۢ مُّبَيِّنَةٍۢ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا ﴿١٩﴾
O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.
Kindness is the standard of married life.
Quran, Surah Al-Hujuraat 49:11
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌۭ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُونُوا۟ خَيْرًۭا مِّنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَآءٌۭ مِّن نِّسَآءٍ عَسَىٰٓ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًۭا مِّنْهُنَّ ۖ وَلَا تَلْمِزُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا۟ بِٱلْأَلْقَٰبِ ۖ بِئْسَ ٱلِٱسْمُ ٱلْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ ٱلْإِيمَٰنِ ۚ وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُو۟لَٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلظَّٰلِمُونَ ﴿١١﴾
O you who have believed, let not a people ridicule [another] people; perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule [other] women; perhaps they may be better than them. And do not insult one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames. Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever does not repent - then it is those who are the wrongdoers.
Insults are forbidden between all believers.
Jami' at-Tirmidhi 3895
Graded sahih... خيركم خيركم لأهله وأنا خيركم لأهلي ...
"The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family."
Good treatment at home is the measure of a person.
Sahih al-Bukhari 48
Sahih... سباب المسلم فسوق وقتاله كفر ...
"Abusing a Muslim is wickedness, and fighting him is disbelief."
Verbal abuse of a Muslim, including a spouse, is a grave sin.
Where the ruling is recorded
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Hudud, Bab al-Ta'zir. Insulting and harming others is punished by ta'zir, including a husband who harms his wife.
- al-Hilah al-Najizah (Ashraf Ali Thanawi), chapters on dissolution of marriage by a Muslim judge. Harm and cruelty as grounds for dissolution.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.