Short answer
Yes. 'Uquq al-walidayn, hurting or defying your parents, is one of the greatest major sins, named by the Prophet ﷺ right after shirk. It includes insulting them, shouting, sighing "uff" at them, neglecting them in need, and disobeying them in lawful matters in a way that hurts them. Politely disagreeing, or refusing to sin for them, is not 'uquq. The four schools agree.
Kindness (birr) to parents is fard and 'uquq is haram and a major sin. Obeying them is wajib in what is permissible and matters to them, as long as it involves no sin or serious harm to you; in personal choices you may differ, respectfully.
The four schools agree on this.
Explanation
Allah joined kindness to parents with His own worship: "your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment" (17:23). The same ayah forbids saying even "uff" to them or speaking harshly. The Prophet ﷺ named associating partners with Allah and disobedience to parents among the very greatest sins. He also said: humbled is the one whose parents reach old age with him and he does not enter Paradise through them.
What counts as 'uquq:
- Insulting, cursing, mocking or shouting at them.
- Rolling your eyes, sighing, or a tone that shows contempt.
- Ignoring them when they need help, money or care.
- Defying a reasonable, lawful wish in a way that hurts them, such as a dangerous trip they plead with you not to take.
- Causing others to insult them.
- Cutting them off.
What does not count: refusing to do something haram, praying or wearing hijab against their wishes, choosing your own spouse or career after listening to them, or protecting yourself from abuse. See obeying parents and abusive parents.
The punishment is with Allah: it is a major sin that needs sincere tawbah. Scholars note that its harm is often felt in this life too, in lost blessing and broken families. The way back is simple and open: apologise, serve them, speak gently and make dua for them. If they have died, there is still much you can do. See after they die and our longer guide on the rights of parents.
The evidence
Quran, Surah Al-Israa 17:23
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ﴿٢٣﴾
And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
Even a word of irritation to parents is forbidden.
Quran, Surah Luqman 31:14
وَوَصَّيْنَا ٱلْإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُۥ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍۢ وَفِصَٰلُهُۥ فِى عَامَيْنِ أَنِ ٱشْكُرْ لِى وَلِوَٰلِدَيْكَ إِلَىَّ ٱلْمَصِيرُ ﴿١٤﴾
And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.
Gratitude to parents is joined to gratitude to Allah.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5976
Sahih... قلنا بلى يا رسول الله قال الإشراك بالله وعقوق الوالدين ...
"We said: yes, O Messenger of Allah. He said: associating partners with Allah, and disobedience to parents."
'Uquq is among the greatest major sins.
Sahih Muslim 2551
Sahih... رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف ثم رغم أنف ...
"May his nose be in the dust, then may his nose be in the dust, then may his nose be in the dust: the one whose parents, one or both, reach old age with him and he does not enter Paradise."
Neglecting elderly parents is a great loss.
Where the ruling is recorded
- al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, Kitab al-Karahiyya, on kindness to parents. Obedience to parents in what is permissible, and the limits of it.
- Radd al-Muhtar (Ibn Abidin), Kitab al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha. Rights of parents and the sin of 'uquq.
Checked by our team. For a more accurate answer to your own situation, consult a scholar. Quran translation by Sahih International. Hadith Arabic from the standard editions of the six books and the Muwatta, with gradings as recorded there; the English is our own rendering. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.